Sorry for this!!!

Ok, so here we are, the last day at Phyllis, and yes I know, I have been the worst att writing in this blog. But, do my defence, it felt like I was throwing away time, when spending it infront of the computer. And, also, we have been at the computer way more than I wanted to, due to our school work. So that is that! Right now I am sitting at the computer room, and waiting for food, in 30 min.

I will write about our time here, and about my thoughts, feelings and all that. I will also upload some pics, But, I am not in the mood for it now, so it will be a project when I come home.

Ok, so now, welll. I am going to relax... And so...

Hello Africa

I like Kenya.

I like being here, I like the culture, I like the people. If Kenya was a facebook status I would press “like”. Today we took a short walk, we were surrounded by high mountains, and it made me feel as being in the middle of a post card. We've also been helping out in the kitchen today, I cleaned the floor while Nessica was cleaning the benches. The afternoon has been spent in school, where I helped the 5^th grade students prepare for their exam tomorrow by asking questions, and I am glad I had the answers to the questions. On which day did God create the animals? I guess it is common knowledge but don't ask me for the answer, because I don't know.

So... there is a lot here I like, but you cannot like everything and everyone on this overcrowded planet. As Nessica already has mentioned briefly (hehe), there are two ladies here that are driving us crazy. I will just give a short, but extremely good, example. The second day they told us that the orphanage has been given a fridge, but, and this they asked with a pitying and at the same time smug voice, do you know what they use it for? For storage! And they smiled their pitying and superior smile and added, but they don’t know better, you know.

OF COURSE they know better! They know much better than us the best way for THEM to use a fridge! In case any teacher is reading this, this is a typical example to bring up on a lecture. They do not use the fridge because THEY DON’T NEED ONE. They don’t use anything that needs to be stored in a cold place, so of course it is better for them to use it to store other things. The whole idea is so stupid, to give a fridge to a place who don’t need a fridge and then call them stupid when they don’t use it. This is a good example of constructivism, I would say. Knowledge is a social construction, and the “right” way of using a fridge is a social construction too, I mean, it all depends on the situation. Give me a telescope and I will use it for putting my jewelleries on it, because I am not in need of a telescope… Mon dieu.

Let’s move on. The social worker, (the ladies referred to him as a person “who can say yes and amen but that’s it, he do not understand English but he is REALLY REALLY kind! *insert pitying smile*” Oh, so usually when a person don’t know English, he is not kind? Sorry, I said I would move on and I will. ), he is a clever and helpful person, we have had hours of interesting discussions with him (consisting more words than yes and amen), and he gave us some great papers to look at, regarding poverty in this geographical area. The papers brought up the importance of empowering people, different underlying factors to poverty, the effect of the SAP:s, and the fact that poor people must be given the right to make the definition of poverty, no-one else should make the definition but them. The text is very post modernistic and yes you guessed right, I like it a lot.

Well, time to "take a shower", = take an empty bottle, fill it with cold water, and pour it over my head.

See you! , Elin

Killing me slowly

Today we woke up, spent a few hours working on our research and then went and hanged out with the staff at the orphanage. Elin even got me later to play a little with the children. I do not know if it is mentioned before, but I am really bad at hanging out with children. I mean, of course I love my own little cousins to play, hug and kiss. However, it is rather children that I do not know, that I have no idea how to be around. Still, today I have been helping a girl with her homework, and listening to her idea of what national values are. I enjoyed it a lot, mostly because I like discussions about stuff like that.   

Since I came to the orphanage I have had the urge to kill two people. I know! It is strong feelings and one should not abuse the word “kill”. But, it is actually the truth! There are two older women here, working as volunteers and they have the idea that they are saving the world, and rescuing the children from whatever is so bad. By the way I have no idea what is bad, and I think that they are the ones destroying the world! They are probably planning what dress to where when they come back to Sweden, and in their imagination, won the Nobel price. I am too angry to quote the fucking shit that comes from their mouths or explain what nonsense they are doing. That will perhaps be a later project. But, I swear, these women are killing me slowly. It has gone so far that I cannot even be in the same room as they. Mostly for Elin´s sake I am not fighting with them. Trust me, I want too. However, Elin does not want a big fight, so that should be respected. Still, they will know what I think of them, and I will make sure that the message cannot be mistaken. I guess I will just do it in a way, so an open fight will not occur. 

Now Elin is back. And we have gotten internet. This means that I can upload this, and check my emails...

Nessica

Something from the beginning of Kenya

Now we have arrived. 32 hours later! My eyes are burning, my head is soft like an old tomato, and everything feels sort of broken. But, I am here, and that is what is important. I met the people who work here; they are really nice and made us feel welcome directly.So far we have been playing around with the children, helped the staff with stuff they are doing. This is like cutting food into pieces, baking bread, and so on. Today we had a long talk to the Social worker at the orphanage, and it was really helpfull and crazy interesting. We got some good material from him, and we are looking forward to future discussions. 

Also, today Yusuf suprised us by coming by and saying hello. That was nice! Ok, the time is 23.00 and I am really tired. So this will be all for now! 

Oh, I almost forgot. Something really important! I have stopped smoking. Yeah I know! I do not believe it myself. But, yeah, it´s true. However it´s not so nice right now. Well, ok, this was all..... 

Nessica                                              

Leaving for our next adventure!

Sitting on the train to Arlanda. Can´t believe I am actually going. Wonderful, amazing and incredible! Everything is packed, and if I have forgotten something, it is nothing I can do about it. passport, vaccin-card, visa card are with me, and that is pretty much what is important. What are my thoughts about this trip? Staying outside of Nakuru for almost three weeks at an orphanage. Well, the truth, I have no freaking idea. It will be an experience and I have no pre-conceptions about it.

Yesterday after packing I removed my nailpolish, took away all my jewlry, and piercings. My makeup is left home, as my hair products. Only this is a fun adventure, as well as packing stuff such as t-shirts and baggy pants.  haha, I do not even know what the point was with what I just wrote. However, I am nervous and my mind is not how it usually works. Instead of trying to force my self to be clear when writing I am gonna give up this projekt until I arrive in Kenya, which is 01.30 am on thursday...

Nessica

Watching it fly!

Yes, it is done. Words cannot describe my feeling right now. It is amazing, incredible, FANTASTIC. In one month me and my terrific friend Elin are leaving to Nakuru in Kenya. We did it! We have organized that during a course called Minor Field Studies, we will do our research at an orphanage funded by a Swedish organization. the feeling is similar to if I would watch a pig grow wings and fly. There has been so many  obstacles, and as our dear friends at Ivy Mount would say, obstacles are  part of sucess. And to succeed there has to be obstacles, and as well, 10 000 hours of work. Well, at least it feels like we have put down 10 000 hours. Because since we began this fall, we have struggled, including writing emails and texts promoting our trip, had meetings with a big variety of people trying to explain why we should go. At some periods I thought we would not go. But, I did not want to give up. My thought was that we should do everything possible, and if we still do not go, we can still feel good, because we did everything we could.

But, we are going! The tickets were bought yesterday. Now there are vaccines, and some other formalities before the big day, that is, the 9th november. That is the day when the plane is leaving the coldness of this scandinavian country, to land in the warmth of Africa.

I would love to explain how I am feeling right now. But, as written above, the feelings cannot be described. It is to incredible! Perhaps, when the feeling has been settled down a bit, I can find words for it! So for know I am just going to watch the pig grow its wings and fly!

Nessica

They are tought to wait for their death...

I have been watching documentaries. The last one I watched was about the social care  houses in Bulgaria. Parents in these countries had abondend their chidlren, due to that they had different disabilites, such as being blind, having autism or not knowing how to talk. These children ended up at the houses. At these places the children became worse, most of them after a year became really crazy and got strong drugs so they would be quit and still. Due to the lack of nutrious food, many of them starved to death. Because they never got any stimulation what so ever, they often became violent, and never learnt how to speak or communicate, rather they self-abused themselves. It was also shown that they often had injuries, caused by getting abused by the staff. Almost all the girls at the house had lost their virginity to some male member of the staff.

So, how can these happen? Bulgaria is a country part of the European Union. This is not a unusual case, most social service houses in Bulgaria are like this, or worse. I am chocked, angry and wishing that I can do something about this right now, at this moment. After voluntering at Ivy Mount, I have the knowledge of how a good place for children with disabilities should be. Their goal was to prepar the children to be self-sufficient in the world. Well, as seen in Bulgaria, they are tought to wait for their death!

I want to change this! I am going to change this.

Here you can watch the documentary: Bulgaria’s Abandoned Children

Nessica

Memories, now and forever...

So, here are the photos from our wonderful trip in USA... They are though not in order!

 

Outside our beach house in Bethany. My mom, B, me, Tim, Phillip, Jen, Olivia and Andreas.. It is the last day, just before we went for breakfast.. Than we drove back to DC.

 

In a park in New Jersey!  

Hanging out at my sisters place, Elin, Mom and Momo doing some floor time..

At Portias and Phil, I am kicking my brother and Marias ass, at this game! :)

Me and my wonderful brother at a terrace at Kennedy theatre in DC!

And here we are again!

Andreas, Elin, Ryan and Tim spending time at Bethany Beach!

Me with my wonderful cousins Riley and B..

Making some art in the sand...

Hugging the last night at Bethany Beach!

Group-hug with my two Arizona-relatives..

My two cousins from Detroit!

Elin taking a nap on the plane!

Here we are after 12 hours on a plane...

Making some breakfast at our hostel in New York!

Barbeque at the beach in Manhatten!

Some nice police-officers we met in DC!

Resting outside the White House.

Enjoying watching Sweden beating USA!

Celebrating the victory when the land of meatballs won over the land of hamburgers, together with some guys from the land of champagne!

Love my Elin!

Having a picknic in DC with my sis

Poor Danny, getting forced to hug a crazy Swede!

And here is another one of the IKEA citizens!

Eating frozen yo, while waiting for the Harry Potter movie to start, and celebrating my brothers birthday at the same time.

Two of my favorite people in the world!

Mom, singing happy birthday on the streets of DC, to my brother.
Ryan is though escaping from the singing!

Elin, sitting in the famous yellow school-buss of America!

Phillip, looking just wonderful in Bethesda!

And here we are, the two most perfect humans in the world! ;)

Me, together with the two men in my life!

Some actors, performing at Kennedy theatre!

Happy hour, with the people we worked with at Ivy Mount!

Elin, drinking Margharitas!

My beloved cuz Riley...

It does not come any better then that!

At the bucket bar, drinking bucket cocktails!

Some hugging for the camera..

The two amazing girls!

Eventually, after a lot of travelling, and meeting family, friends, strangers, and so on.... 

We decided to do what we know best. Become the leaders, and run the country!

Nessica

And here is the end, or shall we say the beginning?

So, back in Sweden! I came home on tuesday, and had two days of relaxing in Gävle, before driving up to Urkult. Urkult is a festival were they play music from all over the world. It was wonderful! Knowing it was my last vacation , I did everything possible to enjoy it as much as I could. I laughed and danced through the whole weekend.

Today was the first day of seriousness. I payed all my bills, applied to the next course, organized with CSN, updated my CV and sent it off to some interesting job oppurtinities, and finally began the studying to my hall-exam. I know, I am pretty damn impressed of what I have accomplished today, knowing that I have not really done anything that has to do with stuff like this for almost two months. Well, I thought I should start out strong, and sort of set out the standard of the coming year.

As Elin has mentioned, coming back from a trip is always depressive. One has sort of been living in a dream-world, when traveling, so coming back to reality is kind of painful. Although, I feel filled with new energy and life could not be better. Everything is going on the right direction, and I have already began to plan my next trip. But for now, I am looking forward to begin school again, and stuff my brain with enormous amount of knowledge about how to become a world leader and save the world from itself!

Nessica

Home is where the heart is, and I bring my heart with me wherever I go.

I had an amazing month in USA, I couldn't have asked for a better trip. The way I see it, it was the perfect blend of experiences. We managed to do a lot of different things during these past weeks, some days were crazy, others were laidback, some days were serious, others were just filled with fun and games. Just as I wanted it to be. It was also the perfect blend of teamwork and individuality, thank you Nessica for that and for everything else :) I think it was a great thing that we gave each other the freedom to do whatever we wanted to do.

We've been back in Sweden for a couple of days now, and returning was hard, as usual. Me and Nessica had a smaller breakdown on Arlanda, we sat down on the sidewalk outside the entrance and cursed the feeling of being back... as Nessica expressed herself: I've been back in Sweden for 20 minutes and I feel... I just feel... I seriously feel that I need a vacation. The seriousity in her vocie made me laugh, but in the same time, I felt exactly the same way as her.

This is totally normal and something I have to accept about myself. This is the way I am. I'm not so good at acting happy when I'm not, so I just have to give myself some time, and sooner or later the feeling of hopelessness will be gone.

The good thing is that I lose all desire to do fun stuff, or to do anything at all, so taking care of boring stuff the first days weren't hard at all, casue there was nothing else I wanted to do anyway. I have now ordered my litterature for this autumn, I have payed my bills, I have enrolled the next course, I have applied for another year of borrowed money for my studies, everything is under control, except my inner chaos. But as the days go by, the pieces of whatever is me will fall into place again. I have had good moments too, like the surprise dinner my friends made for me, or like going alone in the car with Metallica on high volume. There are things I appreciate, I'm just not so good at showing it right now.

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round in the circle game

Attention - what is meant by being street smart?

Today, I have been followed, screamed at, talked to, grabbed and whistled at. Well, it is told to me that this is not common where I went. However, while walking down the streets of Brooklyn I have never in my life gotten so much attention. Scared, overwhelmed and angry I spent 4 hours walking around, desperately trying to find the stuff I was looking for, to become the gifts to some friends home in Sweden. During the whole time, guys were screaming to me from cars and when walking by me grabbing my arm and trying to pull me into side streets. But, the worst thing was though when guys were constantly following me, sometimes for several blocks. They walked two meters behind me, trying to talk to me and giving comments about how my butt looked like. When I went into a store they stood outside waiting. Finally, after a guy had been stalking me, he grabbed my arm and was angry because I had ignored him. My heart started beating really fast, and I noticed I was shaking of chock and anger. I ran into a Dunkin Donut, yes scared as well. I guess I had gotten too much. This must have been shown, because the women working there asked if everything was ok. I was too upset to hide my feelings, and told her I just wanted a taxi and go back to the hostel. She told me to sit down and called a cab for me. 15 min later I was home and safe in the hostel.   

I have always seen myself as street smart with a thick skin. But today was overwhelming, and I felt very vulnerable. Perhaps street smart does not always mean that you can handle yourself wherever you go, rather it is sometimes to actually stay away from places that could result into unwanted situations.

Nessica

Sightseeing deluxe

We are having a movie night, Inception is the movie. Well, the fact that I am sitting by the computer right now instead of in front of the tv pretty much explains what I think about the movie. Its not bad, it just... not interesting at all. I could not care less about DiCaprios character, it's too much of an action movie to wake up my hard-won sympathies. I am not surprised though, the whole world seems to love this movie and me and the rest of the world seldom have the same taste.

Anyways! Today was great, I walked and walked and walked, and I took over 100 photos. It was crazy hot bud I am not complaining, I'm gonna miss the heat! First I went to Liberty Island for maybe 2 hours, then to Central park for like 3 hours, and then at last to Times Square, which was a cool area!

Here are some photos, the first one I like a lot, thank you my dear darling Sony camera!

I managed to take some pretty good pics, didn't I?

And tomorrow... hm... it was something... what was it now? Oh... maybe... no, I can't remember. I think something is happening, but right now, my mind tries to ignore it, whatever it is.