Home is where the heart is, and I bring my heart with me wherever I go.

I had an amazing month in USA, I couldn't have asked for a better trip. The way I see it, it was the perfect blend of experiences. We managed to do a lot of different things during these past weeks, some days were crazy, others were laidback, some days were serious, others were just filled with fun and games. Just as I wanted it to be. It was also the perfect blend of teamwork and individuality, thank you Nessica for that and for everything else :) I think it was a great thing that we gave each other the freedom to do whatever we wanted to do.

We've been back in Sweden for a couple of days now, and returning was hard, as usual. Me and Nessica had a smaller breakdown on Arlanda, we sat down on the sidewalk outside the entrance and cursed the feeling of being back... as Nessica expressed herself: I've been back in Sweden for 20 minutes and I feel... I just feel... I seriously feel that I need a vacation. The seriousity in her vocie made me laugh, but in the same time, I felt exactly the same way as her.

This is totally normal and something I have to accept about myself. This is the way I am. I'm not so good at acting happy when I'm not, so I just have to give myself some time, and sooner or later the feeling of hopelessness will be gone.

The good thing is that I lose all desire to do fun stuff, or to do anything at all, so taking care of boring stuff the first days weren't hard at all, casue there was nothing else I wanted to do anyway. I have now ordered my litterature for this autumn, I have payed my bills, I have enrolled the next course, I have applied for another year of borrowed money for my studies, everything is under control, except my inner chaos. But as the days go by, the pieces of whatever is me will fall into place again. I have had good moments too, like the surprise dinner my friends made for me, or like going alone in the car with Metallica on high volume. There are things I appreciate, I'm just not so good at showing it right now.

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round in the circle game